Dear Future Daughter,
This is Kaartikeya, your father, writing a letter to you about ten years before you were born. Aaliya, can I call you Aaliya? If that is not your name, then I assure you I had a good long discussion with your Mother, and seems like she won again. But you agree you prefer Aaliya right? Over whatever your Mother decided upon and what we call you now? Thank you, this is a good start. We bond well, I always knew we would. Your Dadi, always said, “Mothers are closer to sons, and fathers to daughters.” When I went out into the world as a young teen, I realized this may or may not be true. I have friends who function contrary to that and friends who say it is true.
I keep telling you of the really talented poet friends I have, and you barely manage to stifle the yawn. Yawning is synonymous to teenage reaction to parental words of wisdom. And I promise you by God, it makes sense most of the times. (Mother’s Edit – Not most of the time, sometimes) So I was talking about the poets. These are people I love and admire, and I will leave you to google them, watch them perform and become a beautiful feminist. YouTube is a video sharing website of my times, and there is a whole world of videos out there. Some of my current favourites are ‘Dogs who look like Presidents’, ‘Putin being Putin’, ‘Top ten live headshots from the War on Terror’ and so on. I am twenty-one now by the way, thought I should tell you since I am sure you didn’t bother calculating when I said: ten years before you were born.
So I will tell you a few things, and a summarized story of my life. In my time the line was, “Son I had ten rupees in my pocket when I left my village to study and make it big as an engineer. And of, of course my walk to school included swimming across a lake, and climbing the hill to the other side of the town”. Well, I am a writer, so I like this line fathers across the country say to their sons. It is so hardcore.
You know, before you start questioning my humour, I want to tell you that I use humour as a defense mechanism, which is what I picked up from a TV show I loved back in the days. Chandler, was pretty. Again, Google him please. As I am writing this, I realize, that we are probably too close for me to use that excuse. Yeah, the truth is I am mostly funny, and insulting. (Mother’s Edit 2 – You should not insult religions and respect all faiths) Insults work like a charm when you want to be funny. Take it as a life lesson.
So anyway, I was born into a good family, and also had ten rupees when I set out. Not to study, but to the candy store when I was ten. So there has been good progress in our family life. I am mostly a poor writer, I am sure. I can predict these things now. That dress you want to buy for your date? I am glad I wrote this years ago, and can say no comfortably today. “Honey, we never had money. I even wrote you a letter remember?”
I have to tell you something. You are beautiful. People around me wish for a hot girlfriend. I have and will always wish for a smart and beautiful daughter, and thank you for living up to my expectations; all credits go to your mother of course. You see, we are not married yet, but after we are, things will change and I will take credit for all your achievements and blame your mother for every mistake. That’s how it works, you know that, you see it every day.
It is a beautiful day here in Skopje, Macedonia, from where I am writing to you. A small city, and capital of this wonderful Balkan country, which has been my home for the past ten days. Something stuck me hard a few minutes ago. The world is so fast today, everyone is in a hurry; one needs to do everything as quickly and effectively as possible. When did slow get out of fashion? I went to pee, and before I could even start, the automatic urinal flushed. And all I could think of was, ‘God, just let me pee in peace!’ It is tough to imagine how fast and vibrant life is in your time, but this incident really pissed me off.
Dear Love, I will continue this letter in the next issue! Hope you are addicted already, if not, then well, I am Dad, and I can be strict and stuff. By the way this big actor, who will probably be dead by the time you read this, wrote a letter to his granddaughters too. Do you know Amitabh Bachchan? He is a neat guy, acted in Sholay. Anyway, trust the Bachchans to steal my lime light.
7th September, 2016