How to Survive in Med School As A Closet Cannibal-Deeksha Grover

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Illustration by Vaishnavi Suresh

Picture yourself on the sets of MasterChef,
You see crispy chicken marinated in red savoury sauces
Spiced by Italian herbs
Fresh from the fields

You can see it all
You can smell it all
But you can’t eat it all

Now change the menu
You see a pumping heart marinated in red refreshing blood
Spiced by plasma proteins fresh from the liver

You can see it all
You can smell it all
You can feel it all
But you can’t eat it all

Welcome to my life

This poem is called “How to survive med school as a closet cannibal”

You are in the dissection hall
The teacher is slowly  slicing  the skin with the scalpel
You feel like morbidly obese birthday boy denied of his  own cake

She hands you  the heart,
You feel the folds inside it
Thinking about your last lover who gave you his

Quite literally

You give love bites not out of passion
Sucking dick had a whole different meaning
There was no body, there were no charges
Nobody autopsies poop right?

Talking about autopsies
You enter the mortuary and see the one who got away
Lying on the table
With your bite marks still on his arm
The teacher explains how wolves voraciously mutilate their victim
They take each organ out,
Treasure it like a brittle baby,
Examine it like a new toy before soaking it in formalin

You suck your rumbling stomach in and
Try not to focus on gushing blood
The rushing saliva in your mouth
As you see his spleen being separated into small palatable pieces

They dissect his rusty red heart,
That once raced because of you,
Faster than slower slower slower stop

Picture the day when you would be on that table
When they would see bodies within your body
When the secrets that hide in the deep and dark forests
Of the hills and valleys of your brain be out

When the disgusted looks you get across the corridor will be justified
When your secret recipes would be printed on the front pages of the newspaper
They would write books, make movies,
You’d be the trending hashtag on Twitter for more than day

They are sawing his skull
The smell of bone fills the air
Take it in,
The aroma is all you get today
But then you take a secret trip
To the anatomy museum nobody goes to

Your friends ask you out for lunch
You tell them you ate,
Hiding the blood stained fingers under your clothes
You come crying out of zombie movies,
You can’t handle belittling of your brethren

You think of that day, the day of discovery
When there was a small piece of skin beside your nail
You put it in your mouth and started tugging
And never stopped

Deeksha is a medical student, who writes and reads to get what science can never give her. She discovered spoken word less than an year ago and it has taken her to places she didn’t know existed. She feels like it belongs to her, she has never felt so passionate about something this easily.